THROUGH OUR EYES

"What defines us is how well we rise after falling."



Hi booboos!
It's been such a long time and I have truly missed writing for you guys. I feel like I started this blog as my digital diary, which wouldn't be smart considering it's posted right on my Instagram page, but wharefer!
I hope you're all doing well! I really have missed you, let me say that again. Uhmm so what shall I say today?
In that one second space, I have decided I shall talk about 'Seasons' today. Has anyone listened to that song 'Seasons' by Hillsong? Well it's great whether you're Christian or not, you can appreciate the truth in the song and the pure, unadulterated talent that band has to offer.
So seasons basically refer to the change in weather conditions, if we were to look at it geographically. In Nigeria, it's rainy and dry( Harmattan) and we know winter, autumn, summer, etc for people who don't live on the African continent. These 'seasons' are characterized by certain conditions that make them distinct. In Nigeria, very evidently, during the rainy season, rain is frequent, and during Harmattan, it isn't.
Now I'm talking about seasons because between last year and so far this year, I've travelled through many. There have been really difficult times that have challenged those ideals I thought would always stick regardless. I used to think I didn't have it in me to 'give up'. I was strong and confident and I worked hard and nothing would stop me. What happens though when these things that have always worked don't seem to be working? Stop a moment and ask yourself. As humans, we typically rely on a certain way of doing things. We get comfortable in them, develop ideals or guiding principles but what happens if these aren't enough though?
You get tougher sweetcheeks.
I was very much tempted to just end on that note #midcrop, but uhmm I don't want to leave like that. So I'll say, don't just go with the flow, sometimes the current is too strong. Instead, push yourself and surround yourself with people who push 'and' encourage. You don't want one without the other.
I have been pushed emotionally, physically and mentally in the past year. I remember myself at this time last year. I was preparing for graduation, separating from some of my best friends for the past six years and it was tough. In the midst of that, I was getting results, dealing with boys, girls (being a teen is not easy :)) In short, it was pretty hectic, but that was in no way to even be compared to my experience starting at my new school. You know that saying 'from the frying pan into the fire'. It was crazy! I can speak fondly of it now, but then, bruhhhhhh, it was rough! However, I've become so self-aware, much tougher and resilient as a result. I would not take the experience back for a second because I appreciate the beauty in the journey to where I am now.
In essence, whatever season you're in, whether it's the very sweet smelling one, or the icy, stormy ones. I'd like to implore you to enjoy it while it lasts, learn from the experience and build on the amazing person you are with this new experience. No matter how not amazing you feel, we all start from somewhere. Rome and not even Jesus, became a man in one day. We all learn.
My journey's definitely not quite finished, but I just wanted to share that because I really do love you guys. I appreciate the dm's, text messages and the comments from people trying to reach out. I know it can get really rough sometimes, but you've got this sweethearts. Speak, believe and then experience. Motto I live by.



Love you,
Bolaji.

Heyyyy Again



Hi booboos!
It's been such a long time and I have truly missed writing for you guys. I feel like I started this blog as my digital diary, which wouldn't be smart considering it's posted right on my Instagram page, but wharefer!
I hope you're all doing well! I really have missed you, let me say that again. Uhmm so what shall I say today?
In that one second space, I have decided I shall talk about 'Seasons' today. Has anyone listened to that song 'Seasons' by Hillsong? Well it's great whether you're Christian or not, you can appreciate the truth in the song and the pure, unadulterated talent that band has to offer.
So seasons basically refer to the change in weather conditions, if we were to look at it geographically. In Nigeria, it's rainy and dry( Harmattan) and we know winter, autumn, summer, etc for people who don't live on the African continent. These 'seasons' are characterized by certain conditions that make them distinct. In Nigeria, very evidently, during the rainy season, rain is frequent, and during Harmattan, it isn't.
Now I'm talking about seasons because between last year and so far this year, I've travelled through many. There have been really difficult times that have challenged those ideals I thought would always stick regardless. I used to think I didn't have it in me to 'give up'. I was strong and confident and I worked hard and nothing would stop me. What happens though when these things that have always worked don't seem to be working? Stop a moment and ask yourself. As humans, we typically rely on a certain way of doing things. We get comfortable in them, develop ideals or guiding principles but what happens if these aren't enough though?
You get tougher sweetcheeks.
I was very much tempted to just end on that note #midcrop, but uhmm I don't want to leave like that. So I'll say, don't just go with the flow, sometimes the current is too strong. Instead, push yourself and surround yourself with people who push 'and' encourage. You don't want one without the other.
I have been pushed emotionally, physically and mentally in the past year. I remember myself at this time last year. I was preparing for graduation, separating from some of my best friends for the past six years and it was tough. In the midst of that, I was getting results, dealing with boys, girls (being a teen is not easy :)) In short, it was pretty hectic, but that was in no way to even be compared to my experience starting at my new school. You know that saying 'from the frying pan into the fire'. It was crazy! I can speak fondly of it now, but then, bruhhhhhh, it was rough! However, I've become so self-aware, much tougher and resilient as a result. I would not take the experience back for a second because I appreciate the beauty in the journey to where I am now.
In essence, whatever season you're in, whether it's the very sweet smelling one, or the icy, stormy ones. I'd like to implore you to enjoy it while it lasts, learn from the experience and build on the amazing person you are with this new experience. No matter how not amazing you feel, we all start from somewhere. Rome and not even Jesus, became a man in one day. We all learn.
My journey's definitely not quite finished, but I just wanted to share that because I really do love you guys. I appreciate the dm's, text messages and the comments from people trying to reach out. I know it can get really rough sometimes, but you've got this sweethearts. Speak, believe and then experience. Motto I live by.



Love you,
Bolaji.



Good morning ladies and gents. How are y’all doing? I’m really excited today for reasons I actually don’t understand. And because of this amazing mood, I’ve decided to talk about something we all kinda struggle with when we hit adolescent years. I’m not sure anyone else calls it this other than my mama๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚, but it kinda hits the nail on the head. Now when you type melancholy on a google search, the first definition you get is ‘a feeling of pensive sadness typically with no obvious reason’ and I again think, that it really just hits the nail on the head.  For one thing, melancholiness in itself is actually a temperament. Like there are people who simply think on the more serious side of life( I’m one of them๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜) and there’s the general increase in mood swings you get or may get as you enter your teenage years. Professionals would say that it’s due to all these hormonal changes and blah blah blah but if you think like me you’re probably more inclined to believe that as we grow up stuff become harder and whatnot. And it can be really difficult to deal with. Granted, there are a couple of things that only become struggles as we enter those adolescent years but can we really put that down to hormones? Anyway, first let’s talk about some of these struggles shall we? We have low self esteem, bad body image, relationship issues especially with the opposite sex and then to bring it to a head we have changes in our bodies. 

Now to be honest with you, I can probably remember a time I had issue with every single thing I’ve listed there. ๐Ÿค” Probably. As always, the key is to have an amazing support system and I think I say this kinda often, but I don’t know whether you guys take it seriously. My support system ranges from my relationship with God to my family and friends. What’s your support system? Please let me know if you’d like to share in the comments below. These systems are important because they help you reaffirm things about yourself that some of us really need to hear. There’s so much going on in the world especially in terms of abuse whether emotional, sexual, physical and so on and to be frank with you, I mean I’m no expert, but I feel that it has a lot to do with a really poor self esteem on the part of the abusers. They need love and attention and they choose to get it forcefully from people they can intimidate. Again I’m no expert ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฟ‍♀️ but it’s definitely worth thinking about. 
Second, try to figure out what your triggers are. By triggers I mean those things that set you off or just get you in a bad mood. Could be books, magazines, shows,conversations with certain people. Identify them and avoid them and if you can’t avoid them either pray about it or get yourself in a place( an emotional place๐Ÿ˜) where these comments simply don’t bother you anymore.
So note for today guys, take a moment today or tomorrow or right now as you read this to tell your sister or your brother on an off day or a good day that they’re really beautiful or really handsome or really kind because it’s these little things that bring us out of our darkest moments. 
I could tell you all a bunch of stories about my teenage struggles man๐Ÿ˜‰ but that shall be for another day.๐Ÿค—❤️
Till next time my darlings,
Your dearest,
Beejay๐Ÿ˜Š๐ŸŒธ

Teenage Melancholiness




Good morning ladies and gents. How are y’all doing? I’m really excited today for reasons I actually don’t understand. And because of this amazing mood, I’ve decided to talk about something we all kinda struggle with when we hit adolescent years. I’m not sure anyone else calls it this other than my mama๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚, but it kinda hits the nail on the head. Now when you type melancholy on a google search, the first definition you get is ‘a feeling of pensive sadness typically with no obvious reason’ and I again think, that it really just hits the nail on the head.  For one thing, melancholiness in itself is actually a temperament. Like there are people who simply think on the more serious side of life( I’m one of them๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜) and there’s the general increase in mood swings you get or may get as you enter your teenage years. Professionals would say that it’s due to all these hormonal changes and blah blah blah but if you think like me you’re probably more inclined to believe that as we grow up stuff become harder and whatnot. And it can be really difficult to deal with. Granted, there are a couple of things that only become struggles as we enter those adolescent years but can we really put that down to hormones? Anyway, first let’s talk about some of these struggles shall we? We have low self esteem, bad body image, relationship issues especially with the opposite sex and then to bring it to a head we have changes in our bodies. 

Now to be honest with you, I can probably remember a time I had issue with every single thing I’ve listed there. ๐Ÿค” Probably. As always, the key is to have an amazing support system and I think I say this kinda often, but I don’t know whether you guys take it seriously. My support system ranges from my relationship with God to my family and friends. What’s your support system? Please let me know if you’d like to share in the comments below. These systems are important because they help you reaffirm things about yourself that some of us really need to hear. There’s so much going on in the world especially in terms of abuse whether emotional, sexual, physical and so on and to be frank with you, I mean I’m no expert, but I feel that it has a lot to do with a really poor self esteem on the part of the abusers. They need love and attention and they choose to get it forcefully from people they can intimidate. Again I’m no expert ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฟ‍♀️ but it’s definitely worth thinking about. 
Second, try to figure out what your triggers are. By triggers I mean those things that set you off or just get you in a bad mood. Could be books, magazines, shows,conversations with certain people. Identify them and avoid them and if you can’t avoid them either pray about it or get yourself in a place( an emotional place๐Ÿ˜) where these comments simply don’t bother you anymore.
So note for today guys, take a moment today or tomorrow or right now as you read this to tell your sister or your brother on an off day or a good day that they’re really beautiful or really handsome or really kind because it’s these little things that bring us out of our darkest moments. 
I could tell you all a bunch of stories about my teenage struggles man๐Ÿ˜‰ but that shall be for another day.๐Ÿค—❤️
Till next time my darlings,
Your dearest,
Beejay๐Ÿ˜Š๐ŸŒธ

What are the effects of smartphones on the brain? Given the prevalence of smartphones today, it is a question of interest for healthcare practitioners, mental health professionals, educators, parents, and anyone who happens to use a smartphone on a regular basis.
If you were asked to go a day without your smartphone, do you think you could do it easily? Researchers who have asked participants to go without their phones for various periods of time have found that breaking the technology habit, even for a relatively short interval, can be exceedingly difficult. Walk into any public venue and you will probably find people using their phones for a variety of purposes, from conducting business calls to checking their email to updating their Twitter. Our phones have become an inextricable part of our lives. But does this reliance on smartphones have any impact on our brains?
Effects of Smartphones on the Brain
Recent research suggests that smartphone usage does indeed have an effect on the brain, although the long-term effects remain to be seen. In one study presented to the Radiological Society of North America, researchers found that young people with a so-called internet and smartphone addition actually demonstrated imbalances in brain chemistry compared to a control group. Another studying appearing in the Journal of the Association for Consumer Research found that cognitive capacity was significantly reduced whenever a smartphone is within reach, even when the phone is off.
Some recent research suggests that it might. Experts suggest that all of this phone use can have an impact on children’s social and emotional development, that it can impair our sleep patterns, and that it might even turn some people into lazy thinkers.

Blessed. 
Vancouver, BC, Canada

Adverse effects of smart phone today Pt1


What are the effects of smartphones on the brain? Given the prevalence of smartphones today, it is a question of interest for healthcare practitioners, mental health professionals, educators, parents, and anyone who happens to use a smartphone on a regular basis.
If you were asked to go a day without your smartphone, do you think you could do it easily? Researchers who have asked participants to go without their phones for various periods of time have found that breaking the technology habit, even for a relatively short interval, can be exceedingly difficult. Walk into any public venue and you will probably find people using their phones for a variety of purposes, from conducting business calls to checking their email to updating their Twitter. Our phones have become an inextricable part of our lives. But does this reliance on smartphones have any impact on our brains?
Effects of Smartphones on the Brain
Recent research suggests that smartphone usage does indeed have an effect on the brain, although the long-term effects remain to be seen. In one study presented to the Radiological Society of North America, researchers found that young people with a so-called internet and smartphone addition actually demonstrated imbalances in brain chemistry compared to a control group. Another studying appearing in the Journal of the Association for Consumer Research found that cognitive capacity was significantly reduced whenever a smartphone is within reach, even when the phone is off.
Some recent research suggests that it might. Experts suggest that all of this phone use can have an impact on children’s social and emotional development, that it can impair our sleep patterns, and that it might even turn some people into lazy thinkers.

Blessed. 




Let's be real, I'm writing this post right now to escape the reality of the Statistics test I'm getting ready for.  So let's talk about life and all the curves it sends you. Let's talk first about that guy or girl you like that told you she was single ,only for you to be put to shame by the conversation you had with a friend of hers or his, which subtly told you that you were 'on a long run'. Orr perhaps that girl or guy you thought had something for you , and you later realized they were more interested in your friend or maybe they did and said all those nice things to you, to about a thousand other people. Orr to switch it from the sad life of dating, relationships and situation-ships, we could also mention that test you thought you scattered.  You could be the more serious kind and you actually read extensively and your teacher told you you went beyond, or didn't go far enough, or that those places you read weren't the appropriate sources or the sources he or she  wanted. You could also be the one who didn't do what you were meant to do, but thought you remembered sufficiently, went out of the test feeling like a boss and saw the test result, only to be diminished to a shell of what you once were.
Or you could be the or husband or wife that spent a good portion of her evening cooking and their significant other came back and said the food was horrible or even better, that they had already eaten. Or the husband or wife that feels like they are  doing everything right, but their spouses and friends don't seem to think so. To all those whose scenarios I was not able to accurately describe, or those whose ones weren't mentioned at all, I apologise, but the point of all that writing was to say I sympathise with the struggle.
The struggle to please others in an attempt to find happiness,
The struggle to do what is necessary to acquire the future you deserve,
The struggle to love those who are your loved ones, but seem not to see it as clearly as you do,
The struggle to remain positive in a world that seems to be promoting people's rights while the suicide rates in many countries are simply on the uprise,
The struggle to be a fighter for something you believe in when so many other people pervert the sanctity of your fight,
The struggle to be authentic, I mean what does authenticity even mean?
Does it mean to be genuine in the struggle or to support a struggle you could care less about but affirm that you do care to attempt to find your place in the world?
Does it mean to make your voice louder than others because you simply don't know how else to be heard?
Or perhaps it means to recoil into your shell in the face of all the noise,
To look and search for where you got lost in this pursuit to fit in,
Is life really worth living if we don't fit in?
Does it make sense to continue on this senseless, painful journey of life?




WELLLLLLLLLL, I've got an answer for you.
Life is hard. Yes, we all know it, it's the necessary reality,
Was never really made to be easy,
It was meant to break us, change us, and make us,
It was meant to challenge us in our comfort,
TO make us question the ideals we stand for,
The values we have or don't have,
The realities we desire to attain,
The beauty in the lives we live,
The pulchritude of our colours,
The myriad of colours we assume in different situations ,
How we choose to adapt to our own stages of metamorphosis,
The discovery of the flaws that we have never known or thought about,
The realization that these flaws have a certain beauty about them,
A beauty that is not necessarily directly linked to our detriment,
but usually plays an important part in the many falls we fall throughout our lifetimes,
Yes these flaws have a certain beauty about them,
We are skilled at justifying them,
We defend them like they are our own
But in reality, they are not.
I don't really care if you think life is a video game,
Or like Shakespeare, you think it's simply an idiot's story,
Or maybe you believe in the parallel universes and how somehow there's a doppelganger somewhere,
Orrrr that it's a dream you still haven't woken up from,
Believe what you want,
And I really hope it gets you through whatever it is you're going through,
I believe in God though,
And I make no apologies for doing so,
I believe in Jesus too and that he died for my sins,
And I don't know about you guys,
But that belief alone makes me really happy,
A happiness you could never comprehend,
A peace that I will always be fine, no matter what happens,
Because I am not my own,
I'm a daughter of the father,
he loves me more than I will ever deserve,
And I love him right back
And I'm getting a little tired of having to justify that.
So peace out guys,
I'm finally done with my rant.
Till next time,
Bolaji. XOXO.



Life





Let's be real, I'm writing this post right now to escape the reality of the Statistics test I'm getting ready for.  So let's talk about life and all the curves it sends you. Let's talk first about that guy or girl you like that told you she was single ,only for you to be put to shame by the conversation you had with a friend of hers or his, which subtly told you that you were 'on a long run'. Orr perhaps that girl or guy you thought had something for you , and you later realized they were more interested in your friend or maybe they did and said all those nice things to you, to about a thousand other people. Orr to switch it from the sad life of dating, relationships and situation-ships, we could also mention that test you thought you scattered.  You could be the more serious kind and you actually read extensively and your teacher told you you went beyond, or didn't go far enough, or that those places you read weren't the appropriate sources or the sources he or she  wanted. You could also be the one who didn't do what you were meant to do, but thought you remembered sufficiently, went out of the test feeling like a boss and saw the test result, only to be diminished to a shell of what you once were.
Or you could be the or husband or wife that spent a good portion of her evening cooking and their significant other came back and said the food was horrible or even better, that they had already eaten. Or the husband or wife that feels like they are  doing everything right, but their spouses and friends don't seem to think so. To all those whose scenarios I was not able to accurately describe, or those whose ones weren't mentioned at all, I apologise, but the point of all that writing was to say I sympathise with the struggle.
The struggle to please others in an attempt to find happiness,
The struggle to do what is necessary to acquire the future you deserve,
The struggle to love those who are your loved ones, but seem not to see it as clearly as you do,
The struggle to remain positive in a world that seems to be promoting people's rights while the suicide rates in many countries are simply on the uprise,
The struggle to be a fighter for something you believe in when so many other people pervert the sanctity of your fight,
The struggle to be authentic, I mean what does authenticity even mean?
Does it mean to be genuine in the struggle or to support a struggle you could care less about but affirm that you do care to attempt to find your place in the world?
Does it mean to make your voice louder than others because you simply don't know how else to be heard?
Or perhaps it means to recoil into your shell in the face of all the noise,
To look and search for where you got lost in this pursuit to fit in,
Is life really worth living if we don't fit in?
Does it make sense to continue on this senseless, painful journey of life?




WELLLLLLLLLL, I've got an answer for you.
Life is hard. Yes, we all know it, it's the necessary reality,
Was never really made to be easy,
It was meant to break us, change us, and make us,
It was meant to challenge us in our comfort,
TO make us question the ideals we stand for,
The values we have or don't have,
The realities we desire to attain,
The beauty in the lives we live,
The pulchritude of our colours,
The myriad of colours we assume in different situations ,
How we choose to adapt to our own stages of metamorphosis,
The discovery of the flaws that we have never known or thought about,
The realization that these flaws have a certain beauty about them,
A beauty that is not necessarily directly linked to our detriment,
but usually plays an important part in the many falls we fall throughout our lifetimes,
Yes these flaws have a certain beauty about them,
We are skilled at justifying them,
We defend them like they are our own
But in reality, they are not.
I don't really care if you think life is a video game,
Or like Shakespeare, you think it's simply an idiot's story,
Or maybe you believe in the parallel universes and how somehow there's a doppelganger somewhere,
Orrrr that it's a dream you still haven't woken up from,
Believe what you want,
And I really hope it gets you through whatever it is you're going through,
I believe in God though,
And I make no apologies for doing so,
I believe in Jesus too and that he died for my sins,
And I don't know about you guys,
But that belief alone makes me really happy,
A happiness you could never comprehend,
A peace that I will always be fine, no matter what happens,
Because I am not my own,
I'm a daughter of the father,
he loves me more than I will ever deserve,
And I love him right back
And I'm getting a little tired of having to justify that.
So peace out guys,
I'm finally done with my rant.
Till next time,
Bolaji. XOXO.






Flowing, growing and thriving,
I love you all! I really do!

Just to let you know that I see you and no matter how it looks, you will be okay.
Pinky promise :)

In memory of someone, I used to know.

Mirrors
I am constantly stuck in this unchanging cycle of misery,

It hinders me, plots against me, seeks to put out the little light I have left.


It is haunting and fiery and vicious.


It presses against my heart like a stone with crevices and sharp points that pick apart my heart till that’s all it is, a stone,


Where my dreams and love for beams of light shining past me in the dark blue night,


Die a painful death, one long and arduous,


And this mortality is such that it is caught unawares,


Stripped of the right to believe in a claim that the sun will shine yet again,


And the gloomy clouds permanently impressed upon my head,


Become the only source of light that I can name.


I fight the ever pressing battle to stay sane


Against my mind’s apparent permanent state of being – sadness


Sometimes it becomes anger, other times its self-doubt and most days its anxiety


Anxiety that what I am is wrong or what I will be is not good enough


Afraid to stray from the terrace of pain to pave the way for my life to change


I face these inner demons nearly every day and yet I still can’t find the strength to stay


In a world, I don’t see hope for and a place I could never change.


I long for the days when I had hope


And it was the stone that kept my soul stowed away in peace


Away from the travails of pain and life and failure and depression and life


I wait.


For the day I no longer have it in me to linger.





However,


Despite the failure and the agitation and the pain,


I find the strength to keep myself going



I find inspiration in the little things


Like the sun shining with consistency every morning…


If that large ball of heat and fiery anger still glows


With the fire of pain and the resilience of time,


I sure as hell can do the same.


I will live life on my own terms and make the decision to embody the sun


In its pain and its tenacity.


My life’s purpose will not be dependent on the world -


They might disappoint me, but the sun never will.


It’s nature's kind gift of love in a scary, dangerous world.





If we seek that constant presence and a deviation from the fickle nature of humans,


We can love, knowing our happiness is not tied to others.


It’s me saying:


I will love and be loved with the same passion as the sun


I will be.



I will decide that as an act of rebellion to the forces lying in wait to make me pay


For mistakes, I have the right to make


I will toil and fight back and stay.


Because I live for myself.


To be strained to the furthest limits of pressure,


Like dodo in hot oil,


Or your skin in the unchanging, scorching heat of the sun


 and show that I fail prettily


(Sometimes I simply come out burnt)


And rise destructively.


I’m only dangerous if you choose to test the strength of the resilience that has been trained by pain


You can’t defeat someone who’s fought defeat in the most barbarous arena the world has to offer


The mind.






P.S: We all need the grace to be able to calm ourselves and find purpose in the midst of the storms of life. Don't let yourself down and keep fighting, if not for yourself, but because of the millions or tens or twos or ones of people you impact and will impact if only you let yourself be. Don't deny other people the opportunity to know the human you are. Too many of us in the world are depressed these days and for me, it's really on my mind to question what I choose to fix my eyes upon because the mind is so important and we need to be sure we're watering the right seeds and letting the right plants grow and flourish in there.



Yours truly,
Your One and Only,
Bolajiiiii.









Mirrors




Flowing, growing and thriving,
I love you all! I really do!

Just to let you know that I see you and no matter how it looks, you will be okay.
Pinky promise :)

In memory of someone, I used to know.

Mirrors
I am constantly stuck in this unchanging cycle of misery,

It hinders me, plots against me, seeks to put out the little light I have left.


It is haunting and fiery and vicious.


It presses against my heart like a stone with crevices and sharp points that pick apart my heart till that’s all it is, a stone,


Where my dreams and love for beams of light shining past me in the dark blue night,


Die a painful death, one long and arduous,


And this mortality is such that it is caught unawares,


Stripped of the right to believe in a claim that the sun will shine yet again,


And the gloomy clouds permanently impressed upon my head,


Become the only source of light that I can name.


I fight the ever pressing battle to stay sane


Against my mind’s apparent permanent state of being – sadness


Sometimes it becomes anger, other times its self-doubt and most days its anxiety


Anxiety that what I am is wrong or what I will be is not good enough


Afraid to stray from the terrace of pain to pave the way for my life to change


I face these inner demons nearly every day and yet I still can’t find the strength to stay


In a world, I don’t see hope for and a place I could never change.


I long for the days when I had hope


And it was the stone that kept my soul stowed away in peace


Away from the travails of pain and life and failure and depression and life


I wait.


For the day I no longer have it in me to linger.





However,


Despite the failure and the agitation and the pain,


I find the strength to keep myself going



I find inspiration in the little things


Like the sun shining with consistency every morning…


If that large ball of heat and fiery anger still glows


With the fire of pain and the resilience of time,


I sure as hell can do the same.


I will live life on my own terms and make the decision to embody the sun


In its pain and its tenacity.


My life’s purpose will not be dependent on the world -


They might disappoint me, but the sun never will.


It’s nature's kind gift of love in a scary, dangerous world.





If we seek that constant presence and a deviation from the fickle nature of humans,


We can love, knowing our happiness is not tied to others.


It’s me saying:


I will love and be loved with the same passion as the sun


I will be.



I will decide that as an act of rebellion to the forces lying in wait to make me pay


For mistakes, I have the right to make


I will toil and fight back and stay.


Because I live for myself.


To be strained to the furthest limits of pressure,


Like dodo in hot oil,


Or your skin in the unchanging, scorching heat of the sun


 and show that I fail prettily


(Sometimes I simply come out burnt)


And rise destructively.


I’m only dangerous if you choose to test the strength of the resilience that has been trained by pain


You can’t defeat someone who’s fought defeat in the most barbarous arena the world has to offer


The mind.






P.S: We all need the grace to be able to calm ourselves and find purpose in the midst of the storms of life. Don't let yourself down and keep fighting, if not for yourself, but because of the millions or tens or twos or ones of people you impact and will impact if only you let yourself be. Don't deny other people the opportunity to know the human you are. Too many of us in the world are depressed these days and for me, it's really on my mind to question what I choose to fix my eyes upon because the mind is so important and we need to be sure we're watering the right seeds and letting the right plants grow and flourish in there.



Yours truly,
Your One and Only,
Bolajiiiii.









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